


a call to the office is never a good thing

by orphan_account



Category: Batgirl (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics), Red Robin (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Capes, Batfamily (DCU), Bruce Wayne is trying to be a Good Parent, Cassandra Cain is a protective sister, Duke Thomas is tired of this family, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, Teen Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-19 02:27:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22570444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: bruce wayne, proud parent of great kids who are sometimes assholes, and you know what? that's okay.( all of the kids are in trouble at school, and bruce is trying his best. honestly.)
Relationships: Bruce Wayne & Damian Wayne, Cassandra Cain & Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson & Bruce Wayne, Duke Thomas & Bruce Wayne, Duke Thomas & Jason Todd, Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne, Stephanie Brown & Bruce Wayne, Stephanie Brown & Cassandra Cain & Tim Drake, Tim Drake & Bruce Wayne, mentioned Dick Grayson/Koriand'r, mentioned Stephanie Brown/Tim Drake
Comments: 17
Kudos: 449





	a call to the office is never a good thing

**Author's Note:**

> warning for some language and implied sexual situations.

"I'm terribly sorry to bother you Mr. Wayne. I know that you are a very busy man, but… we had an incident." The poor secretary on the other end sounded frazzled, and Bruce wouldn't blame her. If she was calling him, it meant that it was serious enough that Alfred couldn't handle it.

Bruce tried not to sigh as he closed out of the window he had open on his computer screen. This wasn't the first time that Bruce needed to go to the school because one of the kids had gotten in trouble, and it was usually something that can be smoothed over with a small lecture and a donation to the school.

"Cancel my meetings for the afternoon." Bruce told his secretary as he stepped out of the office, and she only gave him a nod and a smile. She had been the one to screen his call, so she knew that it was something that had to be dealt with seriously.

When he reached the parking garage, something struck Bruce, and he found himself driving back to the manor first. Dropping the Audi off, and then switching to the Expedition. He spotted Alfred when he had gone inside to switch the keys, and he was only given a knowing look.

"Master Dick called me first, but I told them that it was best that you deal with it." Alfred looked up from the computer in front of him, more than thankful for the ease that Amazon amazon gave him. Shopping for the amount of people he had to was getting harder as they just  _ kept _ appearing, but Alfred did what he needed to do. Even if it was ordering through Amazon.

Alfred offered no other advice, and Bruce could feel his shoulders only becoming heavier with stress. He didn't know what had happened, but if Dick was involved, that didn't mean that it couldn't be any good. It was why Bruce tried to make the drive to Gotham Preparatory as long as possible, he didn't know what was in store for him, but he couldn't imagine that it was anything good. He had to prepare himself, and give a call to his financial advisor to see if he could fund a thing or two for Gotham Preparatory. It looked like he could do  _ another _ scholarship, and there might be a new pool done in the Wayne name, if this situation was as bad Bruce was anticipating.

Parking the Expedition in  _ his _ reserved spot in the school parking lot (you donate enough, and they give you one of those), Bruce headed to the Dean's office. He had paid a lot of money for them to go to Gotham Preparatory, so that all of them could attend school together. Though, as Bruce stepped inside, he wondered if maybe, just maybe, it might be a better idea to start the transfer papers to local public schools.

( Stephanie and Duke would jump for joy at the idea of going back to school with the rest of their friends. And he was sure Jason wouldn't be against the idea. Damian would probably throw a fit. )

The minute he stepped into the office, Bruce tried not to sigh. All of them. His six children, and the one he had temporary guardianship over were all sitting in the office, and Bruce almost didn't want to know. He observed them, each of them in various states.

Dick, the oldest, gave Bruce a wave and that charming smile, like he wasn't there in trouble. Jason had his arms crossed, and a split lip, and would not look at Bruce. If anything, he was looking everywhere  _ but _ Bruce. Tim was trying to talk to Stephanie, who was promptly ignoring him, one of her hands resting on her round stomach, and Bruce desperately hoped that Stephanie didn't get in a fight this time. Cassandra was sitting quietly, and like Dick she gave a smile at Bruce, even though she was apparently here, in trouble, like the rest of them. Damian was holding Alfred the cat securely in his lap, and his gaze was also averted from Bruce's. And lastly, Duke, who wasn't sporting any apparent injuries or anything, looked incredibly embarrassed to be there, the tie on his uniform long gone.

"All of you." At the sound of Bruce's voice, they all straightened up -- except for Jason and Stephanie -- and didn't look an ounce embarrassed. Bruce tried to bite back a sigh as he stood next to where Dick was sitting. They had to bring in extra chairs to the office, so that all of his children could sit there while waiting for Bruce.

"Mr. Wayne, it's always nice to see you." Despite the situation, Dean Manchester gave Bruce a smile and then glanced at the seven youths. He didn't reach out to shake Bruce's hand. "Though these aren't the best circumstances." He clears his throat, as if trying to figure out the order for which he wanted to do this in.

"We will start with Richard, and work our way down." He said before turning to head back into his office, Dick could only give a sheepish smile as he followed behind him. Bruce gave one last glance to the other six before heading back inside.

"Please, Mr. Manchester, call me Dick, Richard was my father." Dick was giving that smile to his dean, and Bruce really wished this wasn't happening. The two took a seat across from the the dean, Bruce's hands resting on the arms of the chair, and Dick only leaned back, already poised to explain his side of the situation.

"We are rather happy with our students having personal relationships. We believe that we can provide an environment that is the working ground to help you succeed in life to have wonderful personal relationships as an adult and member of society." With the way that Manchester was beginning, Bruce didn't like where this was going. "And we are, quite frankly, rather happy that Richard is practicing all manners of safety, and responsibility." A pause, as Manchester tried to think of the best ways to describe this. "Richard here was caught with Kory Anders, another senior, and the two of them were…" Dean Manchester trailed off, unsure of what exactly to say.

Bruce looked at Dick, and Dick still had that smile on his face, and Bruce wanted to put his hands in his face. "Look, look, Dean Manchester, you've got it all wrong." Dick began, doing his best to explain himself out of a suspension.

"Kory and I, weren't doing anything that Mrs. Lilac was accusing us of. Yes, we were in the science room with the lights off. And yes, we are seeing each other right now." Bruce shot Dick another look, because when did this development happen, and why hadn't Dick told him. "However, Kory simply had gum stuck to her skirt. I was simply trying to pick it off, and Mrs. Lilac mistook what was happening for sexual activity." The smile left Dick's face, as if he was offended and upset that he had been accused of something like this happening.

Bruce was kind of amazed, and if he hadn't known Dick he would've believed him. But he didn't, and he knew that he was lying through that bright smile and those eyes. He was a charmer, and Bruce was almost jealous of him for it. It seemed like Dean Manchester actually believed him too, which was even  _ more _ shocking. Bruce said nothing though. He wanted to see how this played out, especially after that lie that had just been told.

"I see. Either way, we have to set an example for other students. Particularly the younger ones, because we all know that they look up to you, Richard." He was buying it, Bruce was absolutely in awe that this was being believed. "We will be giving Richard in-school suspension. Kory Anders said that this was also the case, but we can not allow our students to be in situations that look like that, or potentially in situations that  _ are _ that. I am sure you can understand, Mr. Wayne." Dean Manchester turned his attention to Bruce. 

"Kory Anders will also be receiving the same punishment as well. We also would like that you have a talk with Richard here, about relations with women." Dean Manchester slid the paper over to Bruce. It held the terms of Dick's in school suspension, and required both of their signatures.

Both of them signed the paper, and Bruce gave Dick a look that simply read 'we will talk at home.' Dick simply gave Bruce that smile, and really, Bruce figured that some day, Dick was going to be able to get out of jail with that look. 

"Really, I'm sorry about causing this commotion, but I am happy to be an example for this." Standing up, Dick straightened out his uniform. 

"Please send Jason and Duke in when you leave." Dean Manchester said, gesturing to the door. Bruce was confused, and potentially worried about what the two of them could get up to together.

Duke was recently adopted and still finding his place in the family, and Bruce was hoping that he was making it work. The fact that he was getting along with Jason meant sure, he was fitting in, but it also meant that Duke was up to no good, essentially. The two staggered in, Jason's hands in his pocket, his uniform shirt unbuttoned, and untucked, revealing the black  _ Boyz In the Hood _ shirt under it. Duke was still wearing most of his uniform, though the tie he was supposed to wear long gone, but other than that it wasn't bad.

"It appears that Duke and Jason were running a bit of a 'fight club' in the locker room." Dean Manchester didn't even beat around the bush like he had done with Dick.

"Now now, Duke here was just the look out. And he did a terrible job at it, too." Jason crossed his arms over his cheat, as if offended by the fact that Duke had done a poor job being the look out.

"I tried to tell you they were coming! ANd you know what, I didn't even want to be a look out, you said that your normal guy was already suspended so you needed someone else to do it. You cornered me to do––" Bruce raised his hand to silence the two of them.

"I expected this type of behavior from Jason." He began, which Jason gave an indignant 'hey!' to, because how dare he think that. "Duke, however, I am very disappointed in you for participating in this." He continued, not wanting to let his other son off the hook.

"We are already planning on suspending Jason, one week." The paper was slid over, and Bruce immediately signed it. Jason indignantly signed it as well. He would gladly take a week's suspension.

"We understand that there are some adjustments that come with the new living situation that you all are in. And we can understand if you feel overwhelmed or lost." Dean Hamer turned his attention to Duke, "Because of this, we will offer an alternative for Duke's punishment." Bruce knew where this was going to go, this was one of the punishments Jason would get way back when he just started. Stephanie gets them all the time. 

"We are giving Duke two detentions and then meet with a counselor. We have a list of highly recommended ones, if you choose a new one. As we recommend that it's important for your children to not see the same counselor." He offered, sliding thelist of therapists over to Bruce.

"What? You mean he can't go see Dinah or Harley?" Jason pretended to be shocked. He knew this routine all too well, he and Stephanie had been seeing two  _ very _ different therapists to "help them through their problems", so it only made sense that Duke would have to do the same. "Oh oh, we're going to have fun going through the list tonight." Jason's interjection continued as he snatched the list from Bruce's hands, already going through it.

The three of them ignored Jason as he began reading over the list, and Bruce only nodded his head, Duke feeling beyond awkward that the dean of this school that he barely knew, or barely liked, as recommending he go to therapy, to prevent him from unwillingly keeping watch for a fight club. 

"Duke and I will discuss this in private." Bruce offered, as if noticing Duke's awkwardness and trying to get the situation done as quickly as possible. He was feeling just as awkward and wanted the interaction over as well. Dean Manchester seemed satisfied with this answer, and gestured to the door.

"Please send in Stephanie, Timothy, and Cassandra, please." The two of them exited the office, with Jason gesturing to the door.

"You're up, replacement and company." Jason threw his thumb back at the door, before throwing his arm over Duke's shoulder, ready to discuss the list of therapists.

The three of them slinked into the office, Stephanie taking the longest to join them, and Bruce immediately got up to help the pregnant teenager to a seat. Stephanie shot him a dirty look, as if disgusted by the fact that he was helping her to her chair.

"I'm not one to be pitied, but you won't seem to stop doing that, so here we are." Stephanie tried her hardest to not give him the finger, since she was in front of the dean.

"I… I am not sure what exactly happened here. They were simply sent to my office, so I would like for the three of them to explain, and then we can discuss a proper punishment for them all." Dean Manchester seemed a bit confused as to how to approach this. He had been wearing the kid's gloves lately whenever it came to Stephanie, while Stephanie seemed to hold no qualms about continuing her usual habits, despite her pregnancy.

"Cheater." It was rare that Cassandra started the conversation, but it was only one word, and she was actually pointing at Tim.

"For the last time, I did not  _ cheat _ ! Ariana and I were just talking. We're not seeing each other anymore, I've been giving all of my attention to Stephanie." Tim was trying not to shout at Cassandra, he was getting frustrated though.

"Oh, so you weren't cheating, you were just kissing her? What does that mean then, Tim, if you're kissing someone who isn't your girlfriend." Stephanie finally commented, and she sounded like she was choking back a sob.

"No stress. No cry." Cassandra gave Stephanie a pointed look and then gestured to her stomach. Cassandra had been reading the pregnancy books in the manor, expanding her vocabulary that way, much to Bruce's chagrin.

"I'm not going to cry! I just want Tim to explain to me why the fuck he was kissing Ariana Dzerchenko, in the hallway when he has a girlfriend! I don't fucking get it." Stephanie was shouting now, and Dean Manchester looked uncomfortable.

"Oh it's getting juicy in there!" Jason called out from the outside, and oh great, Stephanie was crying harder.

"Now, I look and feel like a fool!" Stephanie cried harder, and Cassandra reached across Stephanie, to smack Tim in the face. 

"I think you have your answer on how this started." Bruce moved to do his best to separate the three of them. Or at least Cassandra before she bit off Tim's head.

"Replacement's a bigger womanizer than Dickieboy!" Jason adding his two cents to the situation was not helping and Bruce could feel a headache forming.

"This, this one is a personal problem Dean Manchester. We'll deal with this one at home." Bruce didn't wait for his response as he gently guided Stephanie out of her chair, before motioning for Tim and Cassandra to join her. The Dean didn't seem too invested in stopping them, just wanted them out of the office. 

"Damian." Bruce wasn't sure what to do about his son, who stood up, holding Alfred the cat securely in his hands and made his way to the chair.

"I brought Alfred to school. It is not allowed. I have learned from my mistakes, and will not bring Alfred to school with me again." Damian didn't even bother waiting for his father or Dean Manchester to discuss what was happening, and instead sat up straight in the chair, one of his hands rubbing behind Alfred's ear.

"Well… yes. And you called Mrs. Spencer an incompetent harlot, then told her that if she wanted to compete for your father's affection, she would have to go up against a…Kyle, and your mother." Bruce stiffened a bit.

Dating was something new to he and Damian's relationship, having introduced him to Selina only recently, and Damian hadn't been the biggest fan of them. The comment about his mother was a new piece though. They would have to have a talk about it. Bruce was going to have to have a talk with all of them this evening, and he was dreading it. 

"She is. And her French is terrible. She is highly unqualified to teach French, and I told her as such." Oh, so that's who this was. The 7th grade French teacher had won a date from the latest charity auction, and it had just been a coffee date, and incredibly awkward, but he could understand why Damian was upset.

"Either way, Damian. That's not an excuse." Bruce spoke in a stern voice, reaching over to give Alfred a gentle pet, the cat purring at the affection. He and Damian might have to have a day trip together this weekend.

"I understand that these changes may be difficult, and we will not be giving Damian any punishment. However, we would like for him to write an apology letter to Mrs. Spencer. " Dean Manchester seemed to be understanding of the situation, and gave a bit of a smile. "And for him to not bring his cat to school, for while they are lovely, we try to keep the school to be an allergy free zone." Dean Manchester smiled at the cat. 

"Very well. If that is all, I will be waiting with the others." Damian didn't bother waiting for the response, and got up from his chair, leaving with his cat to join the others.

With the door closed behind him, Bruce didn't even bother waiting as he pulled his checkbook from his back pocket. "I am going to leave this blank, but please keep it under two hundred thousand." He said hastily as he pulled the check from the book and slid it over to the Dean. 

"Yes. As always, thank you very much for coming in Mr. Wayne. And I do hope that you can come under better circumstances next time." Placing the check in his draw, Dean Manchester stood up to walk Bruce to the door. 

Outside, the children were mostly behaving. Or at least, not loudly arguing and acting out of line like they could've been. "To the car." Bruce said, and he watched as they all picked up their bags, Bruce stooping down to grab Stephanie's and Damian's. He was sure he looked ridiculous carrying a purple Jansport and Damian's  _ paw patrol _ backpack (Jason had thrown Damian's other one away the other day and this was a temporary.)

"You can't sit in the front, Damian, you're too small." Stephanie chided as Damian made his way to the front seat with Alfred.

"Neither can you, fatty!" He snapped back as he shifted Alfred in his arms, reaching to pull the front door open.

"No one is sitting in the front. Stephanie and Damian you are sitting in the middle row." He was pulling his no nonsense tone and there was whining but they all complied, since they were all technically in trouble. As they all settled and Bruce pulled away from the school, he began.

"Dick, you are getting a STD test every other month. If you choose to be sexually active, I will not have you doing anything without practicing safe sex." He began, and Jason made a comment about them already knowing someone who didn't practice it, and then when he received an elbow in the side the bickering began again.

"Enough." Add just like that, it stopped. "Jason, during your suspension, you are to do everything that ALfred does. That includes the cleaning and cooking and everyone's laundry. Duke, when you get home from school, you are to help him every day. I understand that you may have only been the look out, but you are still going to help him." Duke tried to give a groan, "We will be talking about the list that Dean Manchester gave you tonight after dinner." Duke whispered a 'great' before slumping back into the seat.

"Cassandra, you do not hit your brother, even if you're being protective. Stephanie, we are going to schedule an emergency appointment with Dr. Lance for tomorrow, you may stay home. Tim, I don't know what you did, but do not do it again." 

"I didn't do anything wrong to begin with!" Tim interjected, while Jason began chanting 'cheater' all the way in the third row, much to Tim's chagrin.

"Jason, stop." Bruce warned before he moved on to Damian. "We're calling your mother tonight, you are going to talk to her. You will write your letter tonight, and every day before school we are going to make sure that ALfred is not in your backpack or any of your sibling's backpacks." Damian didn't even bother to give Bruce an answer as he scratched behind Alfred's ears.

As Bruce drove them home, the bickering began picking up  _ once again _ . "Hey B!" Jason called out from the back row, like he was a million miles away from his adoptive father. "You should get that bumper sticker!"

Glancing at the car that was pulling in front of them, Bruce couldn't help but give a bit of a smile. ' _ Proud parent of great kids who are sometimes assholes.'  _

"Bumper stickers damage the car." He said after a moment. The asshole apple didn't fall far from the asshole tree. 

**Author's Note:**

> my attempt at trying to write something that's silly and light hearted that's been going through my mind for a day or two.


End file.
